Dear Son/Daughter: Parents Share the Most Important Messages They've Saved for Their Children

When Sarah's son turned 18, she handed him a leather-bound journal filled with letters she had written to him since the day he was born. "He sat down and started reading, and I saw emotions cross his face I've never seen before," she recalls. "After about an hour, he looked up with tears in his eyes and said, 'I had no idea you saw me this way.'"

This moment—the revelation of being truly seen and deeply known—represents the profound power of parents preserving their thoughts, observations, and love in written form for their children.

Across the country, parents who maintain "letters to my child" journals are creating legacies that transcend ordinary communication. They're documenting not just what happened in their children's lives, but how it felt to witness their journey, what qualities they noticed emerging, and the depth of love that often goes unexpressed in day-to-day interaction.

I spoke with dozens of these parents about the most significant messages they've preserved for their children. Their responses reveal patterns of wisdom, insight, and emotion that span diverse families and circumstances.

"I Saw You Before You Saw Yourself"

Among the most powerful messages parents preserve are observations about their children's inherent qualities—especially those the children themselves might not recognize or value.

Michael, father to 12-year-old twins, has maintained separate journals for each child since they were infants. "I write about the qualities I see in them that might not be obvious to them yet," he explains. "My daughter has this remarkable ability to sense when someone feels left out and bring them into the group. She doesn't realize what a rare gift that is, but someday she'll read about specific moments when I noticed this in her, even when she was four or five."

This pattern of "seeing" children emerged consistently in conversations with journal-keeping parents. They document:

• Natural talents that emerge early
• Character strengths demonstrated in everyday moments
• Unique perspectives and ways of thinking
• Emotional intelligence and relationship skills
• Resilience in facing challenges

These observations serve as mirrors reflecting back the authentic self—something particularly valuable during adolescence and young adulthood when identity development becomes central.

Lauren, whose daughters are now in college, shares: "My oldest daughter struggled with confidence in high school. When she was going through a particularly rough patch, I showed her entries from when she was seven and eight that documented her natural leadership and problem-solving abilities. Seeing evidence that these qualities had always been part of her—before self-doubt set in—was transformative."

"Here's Why I Made That Decision"

Parenting involves countless decisions made on behalf of children who can't yet understand the reasoning or context behind them. Many journaling parents use their writings to preserve the "why" behind significant choices.

"When we moved across the country when my son was nine, he was devastated about leaving his friends," says Thomas. "In my journal, I wrote about our family discussion, the factors we considered, and ultimately why we believed this difficult change would eventually bring opportunities that outweighed the immediate loss. Ten years later, he read those entries and told me it helped him finally make peace with that transition."

The explanations parents preserve include:

• The values guiding family decisions
• What parents were weighing in difficult choices
• The hopes behind establishing certain traditions or boundaries
• Financial realities that children couldn't understand at the time
• Why parents supported or redirected particular interests or activities

These explanations help children later understand that parenting decisions, even unpopular ones, typically stem from deep care and consideration rather than arbitrary authority.

"This Is How It Felt to Be Your Parent"

Perhaps most emotionally powerful are the entries that capture the subjective experience of parenthood—the thoughts and feelings that children rarely have access to.

"I write about moments when I'm overwhelmed by love for her," says Elena, mother to a six-year-old daughter. "Like watching her concentrate on building something, completely absorbed, and feeling this wave of emotion that's almost impossible to express in daily life. I want her to know someday that she was not just taken care of but truly delighted in."

Parents document:

• Moments of overwhelming love and protective instinct
• Pride in both achievements and character
• The bittersweetness of watching independence develop
• How the child's unique perspective changed the parent's worldview
• What the parent learned through the challenges of parenting

These windows into a parent's emotional experience provide children with a perspective they can't otherwise access—one that often becomes particularly meaningful when they become parents themselves.

"The Story Behind Your Story"

Family stories and context—details that might otherwise be lost to time—feature prominently in many parents' letters to their children.

"I write about how we chose his name, about family members he never got to meet, about what was happening in the world when he was born," says David, father to a nine-year-old son. "He's too young to care about these things now, but I think someday he'll value having this broader context for his life story."

Parents preserve:

• The circumstances of pregnancy, birth, or adoption
• Family history and heritage insights
• What was happening in the wider world during the child's early years
• Funny or meaningful family stories that might otherwise be forgotten
• The origin of family traditions and their significance

This historical context helps children place their individual story within a larger narrative of family and community—providing roots and perspective that nurture identity development.

"I Saw Your Struggles—And Your Strength"

Many parents are careful to document not just achievements and happy moments, but also challenges and how their children navigated them.

"My son had a serious health crisis when he was four," shares Joanne. "In my journal, I wrote about not just what happened medically, but the incredible courage I saw in him—how he comforted me when I was trying to comfort him, the questions he asked that showed such awareness, how he never complained despite everything he endured. I want him to have that record of his own resilience if he faces difficult times in the future."

These entries acknowledge:

• Health challenges and how they were faced
• Learning differences and the unique strengths they revealed
• Social difficulties and the wisdom gained through them
• Fears overcome through courage and persistence
• Times of emotional struggle and growth

Such documentation provides children with evidence of their own capacity to overcome difficulties—a powerful resource when facing future challenges.

"I'm Human Too"

Many journaling parents make a point of honest vulnerability in their writings, acknowledging their own mistakes, learnings, and growth.

"I write about times when I messed up as a parent," explains Robert, father to teenage twins. "When I lost my patience, when I missed something important, when I finally understood something about them that I should have seen earlier. I want them to know I wasn't perfect but I was always trying to grow and do better."

These vulnerable admissions include:

• Apologies for parenting missteps
• Acknowledgment of personal limitations
• How the parent's own childhood influenced their parenting
• Moments of learning and perspective shifts
• Gratitude for what parenting has taught them

This transparency helps children understand that authentic relationships involve imperfection, repair, and growth on all sides—modeling healthy relationship patterns they can carry into adulthood.

"What I Hope For You"

Hopes and wishes for the future form another significant category in parents' letters to their children.

"I write to my daughters about my hopes for them—not specific achievements I want them to reach, but the kind of lives I hope they create," says Michelle. "That they find work that engages their gifts. That they know the sustaining power of deep friendships. That they remain curious and open to wonder throughout their lives."

These future-oriented messages typically focus on:

• Character development rather than specific accomplishments
• Finding purpose and meaning
• Developing healthy relationships
• Maintaining connection to personal values
• Living with authenticity and courage

Unlike direct advice, which children sometimes resist, these articulations of hope offer gentle guidance that children can interpret and apply in their own way as they mature.

The Power of Preserved Messages

When asked about the impact of their journal-keeping practice, parents consistently mentioned two significant outcomes:

First, the practice changes how they parent in the present. "Taking time to reflect and write makes me a more attentive, conscious parent," observes Nadia. "I notice more about my children because I'm looking for what to document. I'm more aware of my own reactions and choices because I'm putting them into words."

Second, the journals create a resource of immeasurable value for children's future. Melissa, whose adult children now have their completed childhood journals, shares: "My son told me he rereads his journal during difficult times. My daughter said reading hers before her wedding helped her feel grounded in who she's always been even as her life was changing dramatically."

These preserved messages serve different purposes at different life stages:

• For young children, selected entries provide reassurance of love and recognition
• For adolescents, they offer perspective during identity formation
• For young adults, they provide roots during times of transition
• For adult children facing their own life challenges, they offer wisdom and emotional sustenance
• For those who become parents themselves, they provide both guidance and validation

Creating Your Own Legacy of Letters

The parents I spoke with emphasized that maintaining a letters journal doesn't require exceptional writing skills or large amounts of time. Most write brief entries a few times a month, with occasional longer reflections during significant transitions or milestones.

What matters most is consistency and authenticity—creating a regular practice of transferring thoughts from mind to paper, writing honestly about both joys and challenges, and preserving the specific details that make your child and your relationship unique.

A dedicated journal creates both the physical reminder and the inviting space to capture these reflections. Even brief entries, written consistently over time, accumulate into a profound legacy of attention and love—one that will speak to your child across years and life stages in ways everyday conversation simply cannot.

As Sarah observed of her son's reaction to receiving his completed journal: "In that moment, he wasn't just reading about being loved—he was experiencing the reality of having been deeply seen and known throughout his life. There's no greater gift I could have given him as he steps into adulthood."

Ready to create your own legacy of letters? Our Letters to My Son/Daughter As I Watch You Grow and Letters to My Little Boy/Girl As I Watch You Grow journals provide beautiful blank pages where you can preserve your most important messages. Each journal comes with our free downloadable "Ultimate Memory Journal Blueprint" guide to help inspire meaningful letters. Grandparents can also share their unique perspective with our Letters to My Grandchild journal.